Yesterday was my daughter's birthday party. She turned 4 today. It was a big party - bigger, at any rate, than this introvert is quite comfortable with. But, whereas this blog is all about me, yesterday certainly was not. And my daughter had a great time; she also made a killing. But the best part, I think, was when she sat down in front of her cake and we all sang Happy Birthday. It reminded me of my favorite part of Christian baptisms. I'm not a religious man, but when all those people stretch their arms towards the baptisee and vow, in front of God and everyone, to help take care of him or her, I feel God. And that is how I felt yesterday. Looking around the room, at all those people, from all those walks of life, gathered because they care enough about my daughter to spend a beautiful weekend day celebrating her, I felt God.
p.s. The baby, my 4 month old son, made out pretty well, too. He got a couple presents. And, he was held and tickled and cooed at so much yesterday that he cannot be put down today. He wants another day like yesterday. And I don't blame him. I am embarrassed at our riches.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Carte Blanche
The first draft of my previous post, about having "made it", had a different ending. There were more specifics about my life, and why I thought the bully would probably love to lead it. There were lesbians. And sex talk. My wife, afraid I would offend our friends, wanted me to change it. I didn't think I would cause offense, but I had a crisis of confidence, and, unable to reach my friend by phone before publication, changed the ending. As it turns out, the new ending is better, I think, but you, the reader, were cheated out of some pretty good stuff. Well, good news! I have recently been given carte blanche by my friend to write what I want. So here it goes. Put the kids to bed. Draw the shades. Okay, it all started when...what's wrong with this computer? Ke ps bl nk ng on nd of . T ink bat ery dying
He Who Laughs Last...
I was an incredible nerd in junior high. My home life, always abusive, was at its all-time worst. The details don't matter: mine is a pretty common story, and it is one on which plenty of ink has already been spilled. Here is what matters: I don't think it would be possible for a person to feel worse about himself than I did when I was in seventh grade. Naturally, I tried to do the right things at school, but I failed miserably to fit in. I was easy picking for bullies; I was the low hanging fruit. And they had a field day with me. Being bullies, that was what they were supposed to do. I don't remember why, but I signed up for football in seventh grade. When I walked in for the first meeting, one of the aforementioned bullies said, "you'll never make it," and stuck out his foot. Why is it that the stuck out foot always trips nerds? I was not a bad athlete, but nonetheless, I went down. Maybe I simply knew my role.
In the movies, the nerd usually wins in the end. Everyone stands behind him and laughs as the bully walks away a beaten man. I don't expect that to happen to me. I don't care if it does. I spent a fun evening last night with my neighbors. After they went home, it crossed my mind that I was lucky to have them as friends. Then I thought, "well maybe it isn't luck that I have so many good, smart, funny, successful friends. Maybe I am doing something right." Anyway, I have paid my dues. I love my life. And if I ever run into the above-mentioned jackass, I will tell him that he was wrong so long ago. There is no question that I have made it.
In the movies, the nerd usually wins in the end. Everyone stands behind him and laughs as the bully walks away a beaten man. I don't expect that to happen to me. I don't care if it does. I spent a fun evening last night with my neighbors. After they went home, it crossed my mind that I was lucky to have them as friends. Then I thought, "well maybe it isn't luck that I have so many good, smart, funny, successful friends. Maybe I am doing something right." Anyway, I have paid my dues. I love my life. And if I ever run into the above-mentioned jackass, I will tell him that he was wrong so long ago. There is no question that I have made it.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Myers-Briggs
Have you taken the Myers-Briggs personality inventory yet? You should. If you're in a relationship, you should do it before you do anything else. And so should your partner. Here's a link: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp.
If you are reading this, and you are in a relationship, you are either done with the quiz, or you already know your type. Either way you will not think I'm speaking gibberish when I tell you that I am an INFJ. If you follow the link, you will find a description of your type on Keirsey.com. I couldn't describe myself better. My wife's is the same for her.
I consider my wife to be, if not my soul-mate, then close enough that she may as well be. We complement each other almost perfectly. I paint the outlines of our future, and she fills in the details. However, if I was looking for a woman who shared my taste in music, books, movies, hobbies, humor, blah, blah, blah, then Stacy would be almost the last woman I would pick. And my first time around, I did sort of find a woman with whom I shared tastes, in some areas at least. And after 10 months I learned that she had a boyfriend. (I dare say I did not care for him as much as she did. Our tastes differed greatly. I would have picked a smarter guy for her, but what do I know? They are together to this very day.) We never had a first anniversary. Now, how can I be blissfully happy being married to someone who likes almost none of the things that I do? Well firstly, there are some things that we both like to do. But mostly, we have learned that neither of us is going to be enough people for the other. The great thinker and author, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., introduced me to that idea - not enough people. He argued that one thing, the main thing, that caused so much trouble in marriages these days, that never used to be a problem, was that families had become so small. It used to be that everybody had sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. all around them. Their spouse didn't need to laugh at all their jokes, or play golf or poker, or gossip or whatever. In fact, it was better if they didn't. It was easier 50 years ago to get out of the house and spend a little time with other people; you could tell your jokes or gossip or whatever with someone who appreciated what you were saying. Then you could go home, fulfilled, and chat with your family.
Taking this personality inventory with Stacy helped me to realize that she was simply not going to see some things the way I did. She couldn't possibly. Her mind did not work that way. Early in our marriage, I would be all riled up about something, run and tell Stacy about it, and be disappointed when she didn't get riled up, too. It became pretty clear that I was going to need more people in my life. I think a lot of people in committed relationships get to this point. Unfortunately, I think many of them feel guilty about it. They think their partner should be enough for them. Their partner almost certainly feels that way. The reason it was easier when it was extended family who was the "other people" is that jealousy and infidelity and all that crap were not issues (unless you lived in Mississippi).
It can still be done, though. You can join a golf or a bowling league, you can be a Mason, or an Elk, or join the American Legion. Or you can simply have friends with whom you can do whatever it is you need to do. As long as you promise your mate that he/she is the only person that will get all of you, then it's perfectly reasonable to have a lot of other people who get some of you.
If you are reading this, and you are in a relationship, you are either done with the quiz, or you already know your type. Either way you will not think I'm speaking gibberish when I tell you that I am an INFJ. If you follow the link, you will find a description of your type on Keirsey.com. I couldn't describe myself better. My wife's is the same for her.
I consider my wife to be, if not my soul-mate, then close enough that she may as well be. We complement each other almost perfectly. I paint the outlines of our future, and she fills in the details. However, if I was looking for a woman who shared my taste in music, books, movies, hobbies, humor, blah, blah, blah, then Stacy would be almost the last woman I would pick. And my first time around, I did sort of find a woman with whom I shared tastes, in some areas at least. And after 10 months I learned that she had a boyfriend. (I dare say I did not care for him as much as she did. Our tastes differed greatly. I would have picked a smarter guy for her, but what do I know? They are together to this very day.) We never had a first anniversary. Now, how can I be blissfully happy being married to someone who likes almost none of the things that I do? Well firstly, there are some things that we both like to do. But mostly, we have learned that neither of us is going to be enough people for the other. The great thinker and author, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., introduced me to that idea - not enough people. He argued that one thing, the main thing, that caused so much trouble in marriages these days, that never used to be a problem, was that families had become so small. It used to be that everybody had sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. all around them. Their spouse didn't need to laugh at all their jokes, or play golf or poker, or gossip or whatever. In fact, it was better if they didn't. It was easier 50 years ago to get out of the house and spend a little time with other people; you could tell your jokes or gossip or whatever with someone who appreciated what you were saying. Then you could go home, fulfilled, and chat with your family.
Taking this personality inventory with Stacy helped me to realize that she was simply not going to see some things the way I did. She couldn't possibly. Her mind did not work that way. Early in our marriage, I would be all riled up about something, run and tell Stacy about it, and be disappointed when she didn't get riled up, too. It became pretty clear that I was going to need more people in my life. I think a lot of people in committed relationships get to this point. Unfortunately, I think many of them feel guilty about it. They think their partner should be enough for them. Their partner almost certainly feels that way. The reason it was easier when it was extended family who was the "other people" is that jealousy and infidelity and all that crap were not issues (unless you lived in Mississippi).
It can still be done, though. You can join a golf or a bowling league, you can be a Mason, or an Elk, or join the American Legion. Or you can simply have friends with whom you can do whatever it is you need to do. As long as you promise your mate that he/she is the only person that will get all of you, then it's perfectly reasonable to have a lot of other people who get some of you.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I Just Don't Have it Tonight...
Oh, lord! Writer's block! I've been trying to write through it. I started the story of how Stacy and I came to be. I started the questionnaire that James Lipton does on Inside the Actors' Studio. Should I finish either of them? Help!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My First Bad Review
An apparently one-time reader of this blog e-mailed me the other day to report that he found said blog self-indulgent and was no longer going to read it.
Editor's note: No shit. It's my blog. But here's the thing: He's an idiot, and being disappointed at finding a blog self-indulgent is only one of many examples of that fact. He is a clown with whom I argued about Obama a couple months ago. A friend posted something on Facebook. Our hero, he was a stranger to me, responded, forshadowingly, with something idiotic. I posted a response to him. Then we continued "debating" by e-mail for a while. There were many reasonable points on his side which, sadly, he chose not to make. I would make my points and then he would respond with personal and completely ridiculous attacks in which he described "all liberals" as thinking such and such. I think he's hated me ever since I ended the argument by writing, "When I think of all the reasonable things you have left unwritten, it makes me want to cry. I would have disagreed but not felt, as I now do, worried for my country. Instead you have called me ignorant, and, I think, don't realize that in so doing, you have betrayed yourself as the same. You may honestly call me many things - fat, well-endowed, thirsty (that last one would have impressed me! ) but not ignorant. I continue to make my argument and you continue to ignore it. And that is the last of my time you will waste." It took me a while to calm down after that "debate". Maybe he has spent the time since trying to prove me wrong, about one thing at least; for he was not done wasting my time, as it now turns out. More likely, he stumbled across my blog, and thought he'd found an opportunity to hurt my feelings. Anyway, I didn't tell him what I have now told you. Here was my response to him: "If you found my blog self-indulgent, I am exceedingly grateful that you have never seen me having sex."
Editor's note: No shit. It's my blog. But here's the thing: He's an idiot, and being disappointed at finding a blog self-indulgent is only one of many examples of that fact. He is a clown with whom I argued about Obama a couple months ago. A friend posted something on Facebook. Our hero, he was a stranger to me, responded, forshadowingly, with something idiotic. I posted a response to him. Then we continued "debating" by e-mail for a while. There were many reasonable points on his side which, sadly, he chose not to make. I would make my points and then he would respond with personal and completely ridiculous attacks in which he described "all liberals" as thinking such and such. I think he's hated me ever since I ended the argument by writing, "When I think of all the reasonable things you have left unwritten, it makes me want to cry. I would have disagreed but not felt, as I now do, worried for my country. Instead you have called me ignorant, and, I think, don't realize that in so doing, you have betrayed yourself as the same. You may honestly call me many things - fat, well-endowed, thirsty (that last one would have impressed me! ) but not ignorant. I continue to make my argument and you continue to ignore it. And that is the last of my time you will waste." It took me a while to calm down after that "debate". Maybe he has spent the time since trying to prove me wrong, about one thing at least; for he was not done wasting my time, as it now turns out. More likely, he stumbled across my blog, and thought he'd found an opportunity to hurt my feelings. Anyway, I didn't tell him what I have now told you. Here was my response to him: "If you found my blog self-indulgent, I am exceedingly grateful that you have never seen me having sex."
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Other Blogs
I was just randomly checking out other blogs. They all had two things in common: They sucked, and they had more followers than me. I'm not sure I want to think too long about what that means.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)