Thought of the Day

Dear Red Hat Society ladies,

It is perfectly acceptable for you to go out with your friends and have a good time, giggle even, without the costume.

A Conversation Between Three-Year Olds With Adult Vocabulary, Part II

"I'm thirsty."

"Would you like something to drink?"

"You think?"

"Smart ass."

"Yes, I would like something to drink."

"Okay, follow me. I pretty much have this fridge to myself. What's your poison?"

"Juice. Grape if you got it. Berry would be fine, too. Straight. If I catch you watering it down, I'm going to cut off your arm."

"Jesus! Settle down. Do you want a cup?"

"A cup?! A cup?! Do I look like I'm two? You know what? Why don't you get me a cup, and then a diaper, too! Unbelievable!"

"Okay. God. Settle down!"

"You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't sleep great last night. My parents kept me up all night. No idea what they were doing, but it was loud I'll tell you that. Then I got this teacher giving me shit. She's okay, I guess, but a little over-the-top so early in the morning, you know what I mean? Just doing some art and singing some silly songs; ain't like we're in med school."

Cats

“Oh, it’s okay. I love cats!,” she said to the growling and hissing cat whom she had just cornered and picked up.

“No you don’t," I said. "You love cat sweatshirts. If you loved cats you would respect that cat’s clear wish to be set down.”

Today's Thought: You know what is not a deep question? "If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?" The short answer is, "yes." The long answer is, "yes it does."

More on "You Don't Matter...Much" And introducing...Thought of the Day

There is more good news about having only a relatively few people rooting for you. I didn't include it in the previous post and have taken some heat from readers who felt sorry for me because, feeling as I do, they feared it must be hard for me to get out of bed in the morning. I should have made this more clear: if few people are cheering for me that's fine - because no one is cheering against me. They rest of the world simply does not care how I fare and that is fine with me. I have every intention of trying to be a wild success. Why wouldn't I? Even if that only pleases myself and a few other people, that's fine with me.

Thought of the Day: Do you know who says, "It's a free country!" Someone trying to justify selfish behavior. You never hear it said in the context of beauty. Like, "Well, it's a free country. It's not against the law to pick up litter while enjoying a walk in the park." It is a free country, more or less, which means that you are free to act like a decent human being, if you want.

Ironic...or Just a Pisser?

He had a sort of premonition, a vague thought that he was going to die on his way home from work today. He was not a spiritual man and not prone to believing such nonsense. And besides, thoughts like these had popped into his head before and had amounted to nothing. The feeling passed quickly and he set his mind back to his work. Later he was walking to the bathroom and passed two women talking to each other. He didn’t know what they were discussing; he only caught one phrase as he went by. It was “dead man walking.” He laughed to himself and thought, perhaps, a superstitious man would not go home tonight. He was not a superstitious man, however, and when the time came he packed up his things. On the way to his car he noticed how perfect the day was. The sky was completely clear of clouds, the sun shining bright. He smiled and got in his car and started it. The radio began playing and he recognized the song immediately. It was “Highway to Hell.” For the first time all day he felt a twinge of discomfort. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he told himself, and he backed out of his parking spot. Nothing happened. He proceeded on to the Interstate and across a bridge where before this he had narrowly escaped getting in an accident. He drove without incident to the country road that would take him home. It was a hilly road with many blind curves. It would have been a dangerous road if it was more heavily traveled but, in fact, it was neither. He began to relax; he would go slowly around the corners and take great care cresting the hills. He would be home in ten minutes. He laughed at himself for feeling even that twinge of discomfort. He made his way carefully past all potential obstacles and came to the final stretch of road. It was downhill and utterly straight. He could see a full mile of the road ahead. There were no cars in sight. He sped up so that he might celebrate his confidence. He taunted his premonition; he knew that the conversation and song were simple coincidences. He pushed the accelerator down some more. His stomach rose and tingled. The car responded impressively. He had never gone so fast in this car and was now thanking “fate” for inspiring him to see what this car could do. What a rush! The stop sign was coming up fast - unusually fast, he realized, as he pressed the brakes. Still, he knew he had enough road left to stop completely. He stole a glance at the tall grass that was still whizzing past his window. He wanted to feel the speed at which he was traveling. A bit of stress seemed to leave him and cling to each blade of grass he passed. He felt as light as a child. He looked back at the road after only a couple seconds. It had been a couple of seconds in which, while he was looking at the grass on his left, a cow had come out from the grass on his right. He saw it immediately but knew he was going too fast to stop in time. He veered sharply to the right and his car sailed across the ditch and collided with an old oak tree. The tree shuddered but did not give way. It had seen worse than this. Neither the car nor its driver ever had, though. 

A Procrastinator's Journal

June 5

April is a hard month for me. Another holiday season is done and the Christmas lights come down. And I have to start thinking about filing an income tax extension. I'm going to start writing in here more often, but now I have to go dig last fall's leaves out of the gutter.

August 2

I've been meaning to write this for a couple weeks now. I fell off the roof when I was cleaning the gutters in June. I couldn't see my doctor when I wanted to because it was Fourth of July weekend. Leg's broke.

December 26

Put the lights up today. Pretty scary going up the ladder again but you have to don't you? 'Tis the season. Gotta pay my taxes!

February 25

Happy New Year!

What am I doing?

It does not take courage to sit down and write. But I will tell you that it has taken me a long time to do it. I have long considered myself a writer and it is my dream to do it professionally. This blog has earned some money because you have given in to my begging, and I am more grateful than you know. I have even written, half-jokingly, that this blog has made me a professional writer. Technically it has, but you have to be pretty desperate to see it that way. Still, it does represent a first step, which conventional wisdom tells us is the hardest one. Ironically, I cannot disagree with that. It is hard for me to write something intended to be read by more than one person. Probably because once I have made my writing public - once I admit that I want to be a writer, I risk being told that it is no good and has no hope of being good and that I should quit. That would suck. Also hard is being honest about people I know to be readers. But all that is getting easier. And so here I am, after years of being told by some of you that I should write, and of taking anti-depressants and months of counseling, writing and making money doing it. And I am not done yet, with your help. And that is why I have been so damn proud lately about such a silly thing as this. As always, thank you for your time.