Dear Smitty

Dear Smitty,

I've had a disappointing month so far. A couple weeks ago, I learned that my pancreas was going to give me troubles for the rest of my life. The pain is getting better now, but is almost certain to come back. Then a couple days ago, I was rejected by a company for whom I hoped to write. Can you help me cope with these disappointments?

Signed,
Bummed

Dear Bummed,

Be glad that your vagina doesn't hurt, too. Unbelievable!
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Dear T-Boz,

Your are my last hope. I have written to several advice columnists and none of them has been able to help me. I've attached the letter above so I don't have to retype all my problems. Can you help?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

What a baby. Man up. If you want to come see me, I'll give you two actual problems: my fists.