Friday, June 17, 2011

You're No Fun

A Target Field security guard was recently reprimanded for hassling a lesbian couple that kissed outside a bathroom.  He apparently told them, “Target Field adheres to the Ten Commandments” and “doesn’t allow playing grab ass.”  This got me thinking:  If this guy is going to enforce the Ten Commandments at Target Field, he is going to be busy.

      1-     He’ll need to arrest the guy with the “Liriano is God!” sign.
      2-    He’ll need to confiscate all bobble heads.
      3-    He’ll need to chastise everyone who yells “God damn it!” every time Delmon Young misplays a fly ball.
      4-    He’ll need to punish the Twins for playing on Sunday.
      5-    He’ll need to reprimand all the kids who are talking back to their parents for not buying them a $25 foam glove.
      6-    He’ll need to yell at Jim Thome for murdering a fastball.
      7-    He’ll need to tsk-tsk all the adulterers at the games.
      8-    He’ll need to have a talk with Ben Revere every time he steals second base.
      9-    He’ll need to straighten out any player who protests that an umpire got a call wrong when he knows the call was right.
      10- And finally, he’ll have to give the Twins and their fans a stern talking-to about coveting the Yankees’ payroll.

Oh, and he must have forgotten about the Kiss Cam, which shows couples (and non couples) "playing grab ass" on a 200 foot HD screen.


  1. Ha, awesome. You should send this in and try to get it published.

  2. I want that guy fired. And drawn and quartered.

  3. Drawn and quartered sounds appropriate.