Too Much Information

The list of questions I hope my kids never ask me in public grew by one last night. In a rush to get out of the house, I went into the bathroom to pee while my daughter washed her hands. She wants to know how stuff works, naturally, so she watched with great interest as I unzipped and prepared to go. Having my daughter stare at the Truth while I pee is not ideal, but I understand that she needs to learn plumbing and anatomy somewhere, so I pressed on.  I think most of us know that a fair amount of shaking and tugging and whatnot is necessary for a man to pee standing up, but my daughter doesn’t, or didn’t anyway.  Perplexed, and still staring at my now zipped-up fly, she asked, “Daddy, why do you tug and wrestle with your peanut?” (I know what you're thinking. No it does not resemble a peanut. "Peanut" is what she heard when I told her what my son's "Thingy" was some months ago.)  Now, there are two answers to this question but I only gave her one. The other she’ll have to figure out somewhere else.  “So I didn’t pee on my pants,” I answered.