The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is a literary competition sponsored by the English Department at San Jose State University. I highly recommend checking this site out. http://www.bulwer-lytton.com
It celebrates horrible opening sentences and is named after the novelist who penned, "it was a dark and stormy night..." One can write what amounts to his or her own awful opening sentences and submit them for judging. I will be sending these:
1. Through the pure, heavy, cold, slippery, white, driving snow walked a woman who was, herself, none of those things.
2. The chase had been going on all day - a literal game of cat and mouse, except that Steve was no mouse at all, but very much a person and the cat in this case was a tiger - when Steve's stomach began to growl, as he crouched under a bush, and he realized that he had not eaten breakfast while at the same time he heard a growl which came from outside of him and he realized that he would not be eating supper.
3. I have hated clowns ever since, when I was young, my father would come home from work stinking of the burgers and fries he had served all day; you can imagine my disappointment when he came home and announced that he had gotten a job as a bouncer at a strip club.
4. Jon R. never stole condoms - not because it was illegal, but because he remembered how hard he laughed when he read the police blotter item about the man who had had both legs amputated just below the waist and who had been arrested for stealing long pants.
Send me yours, or better yet, add some in the comment section!