Dear Birth Parents*,
I am sorry that, in order for us to experience this joy, you have to feel so much pain. I am ashamed to admit that, until our son was born, I never knew how painful placing him would be for you. I always assumed that you would want to be as involved in his life as was possible- as we would “allow” you to be. I can’t imagine how I missed this- my excuse is no excuse at all: I was being selfish. Still, it never occurred to me that you would need to sever all contact with us so that you could begin to heal. I understand now that seeing him, or hearing from us, rips open your wounds, and undoes whatever healing you have managed.
Maybe someday you will be able to handle more contact. In the meantime, I hope you know that we consider you family. We know that we are not the only people whose help our son will need to be happy and successful in this sometimes cruel world. You will never be kept a secret in our home. You will always be, at the very least, the first two people who loved our son, and the people who endured horrible pain, and showed incredible bravery, in making the decision you made. It certainly takes a village to raise a child, and the two of you are the founders of the village that will raise ours.
The adoptive parents.
*In our case, both birth parents were involved in the adoption process. They are a beautiful, loving, young couple.