Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Dear Smitty

Dear Smitty,

I am a woman in my late twenties. I am going to school, doing an internship and working. I am single. I don’t mind that, but I sometimes wonder if I should. Is it getting too late for me to get on with life?


Should I be working on a boyfriend, or my grades?

Dear S.I.B.W.O.A.B.O.M.G.  (note: if the abbreviation of your name is this long, your signature is too damn long.)

I don’t like to tell people my age, nothing good can come of it. Really the only time it comes up is when I’m trying to score, and I can’t help but wonder how many times I would’ve missed out on fun with a lady who thought I was too young, or too old, if it weren’t my habit to dodge that question- it can only be a deal breaker.  That being said, I will tell you that I am a fifth-year senior, by which I mean that I have now been a senior for five years. Anyway, you have left out some vital information, i.e. your looks. If you are ugly, I’d drop out now and commit myself full-time to finding a man who would have me. Be prepared- it could take a while.  If you’re good looking, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. (Still, I don’t endorse working a lot on grades, either.)  I just read about a couple who “celebrated” 60 years of marriage! That was not a misprint.  60 goddamn years, can you believe that?  They could have waited 30 years, and still been married too fricking long! So, don’t worry. Have some fun.  There is PLENTY (TOO MUCH!!) time to settle down, and begin dying.


p.s.  If you are good looking, write back with your number.  I have a feeling about you…can’t quite put my finger on it (but I’d like to try!)

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