Sympathy for the Devil

August 29, 2010

New York

Fox News announced today that they will be moving their headquarters to Harlem out of respect for the families of the victims of the terrorist attacks of September 11. They issued a press release explaining their decision:

                    Given the fact that Saudi Prince, Al-Waleed bin Talal, is the second largest
                    shareholder in our parent company, News Corporation, we have made the
                    difficult decision to move our headquarters further away from Ground Zero.
                    We have come to this decision after much soul searching. While it is true that
                    there has been no public outrage about the Prince's ownership stake (because we have
                    not reported it and have not whipped our viewers into a frenzy over it), we cannot ignore
                    his comments that the United States, "must address some of the issues that led to
                    such a criminal attack," and "re-examine its policies in the Middle East."  In whipping
                    our viewers into a frenzy over the Ground Zero Mosque, our commentators
                    argued that similar comments by the man who would be the Imam, Feisal Abdul Rauf,  
                    made him a terrorist sympathizer. Then we argued that it would naturally be
                    disrespectful to the memory of 9/11 to have a terrorist sympathizer so close to
                    Ground Zero. So, since our boss is a terrorist sympathizer, we are forced to move,
                    out of respect. Loading vans have already begun moving equipment to Harlem, from
                    where we will begin broadcasting soon. Fox News viewers can expect to find the same
                    dedication to truth and unbiased reporting that they have come to expect from Fox News.

The moves came as a surprise to Keith Olbermann, a frequent critic of Fox News and its' commentators.  "I applaud their decision," Olbermann said when reached at his office on Friday, "This is the first time, ever I think, that they have acted in a manner consistent with that which they demand of people with whom they disagree. I don't agree that those comments make someone a terrorist sympathizer, but I know they do, or at least they claim to, so this would seem to be the only reasonable course of action for them to take. Now, why are they acting reasonably? I have no idea." 

Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal was at Euro Disney with friend of the Saudi Royal Family, former President George W. Bush, and was unable to be reached for comment for this article.